Brothas got feelings too
One of my girls recently told me that my blog was like the Daily Word for girls. I thought that was cute...and actually right in line with what I'd envisioned this would evolve into.
Last night, though, I had a really in depth conversation with a good friend who happens to be male. That convo was just as inspiring and though provoking for me as it was for him. So today....we're going to deviate from the norm, and put something out there for the brothas to grab hold of.
During our conversation...I had an epiphany. Today's title says it all. Brothas really do have feelings. Inside the hard exterior lies a little boy who wants to be loved, wanted and accepted just as much as any female I know.
They walk around holding the weight of the world on their shoulders. Trying to hold it together for them and those they love. But what I came to realize is that even in the strength and masculinity they exude, there's a desire to be vulnerable without the perception and stigma that doing so is somehow deemed as being less than a man.
Brothas hurt, cry, and have insecurities that go deep....really deep. But for some reason, they shy away from showing their more emotional side because somewhere along the way, they were told that real men don't cry. They've fallen into the trap of keeping a stiff upper lip at all costs, and to never, ever let "them" see you sweat.
I was raised by a strong, proud man. I have never once in my 33 years seen him cry. I've seen him show sympathy, and be visibly moved by death or despair. But he would never allow himself the opportunity to shed tears.
Through the years, I've seen that strength and pride act to his, and probably my own, detriment. Daddy could fix everything...at least in my eyes. A bike, an easybake oven, a scraped knee, a wounded ego...you name it, he could make it better.
Somehow, as I got older and the problems became more pronounced, my brothers and I continued to looked to him to fix it...like he always did. But something changed. Emotionally, he wasn't always able to be there. Not because he didn't want to be, but in reality...he couldn't. I think he ultimately got to the place where he was emotionally bankrupt because he'd spent all his energy trying to fix everyone else for so many years, and didn't take time out to replinish and nurture his own soul. He never gave himself license to just let it go...even when it was just he and my Mom.
I don't look at this as a negative...if anything, in some strange way, I guess I applaud him. He gave to my brothers and I until it hurt...literally.
That same strength and pride that used to serve as a soothing salve eventually became a contributor to my parent's marital demise. Don't get me wrong...I don't only fault him. But, I can't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently, if he didn't always have the answers. What if he wasn't at everyone's beck and call? What if he would have cried at all those family funerals? What if sometimes, he wasn't able to fix it...
Black men are some of the strongest, resilient, tenacious, and prideful creatures on the planet. It's why I love you dearly...but it's also a source of my frustration with you as well. You don't always have to have the solution. It's ok for you to want to spend time alone in thought and preparation for the next battle. If you decide to allow the little boy in you to be exposed and cry your heart out til your eyes sting...it's ok. It's cool...really. We won't loose respect for you, and we certainly won't consider you any less of a man for doing so.
There is strength in vulnerability.
Life is too short to live in shell of unresolved pain and pressure. We all have emotions for a reason. It's when you don't give yourself the opportunity to experience them that you go absolutely crazy.
I'm not saying you have to open your heart and bear your soul to any poor, unsespecting person who comes along. But find that one person...your mom, one of the fellas, your girl...whoever and give yourself the ok to just put it out there sometimes. Be open enough to admit to being afraid and not knowing what's next. It's ok..we're human..and we all go through that.
Just know that at the end of it...we'll still have your back and our arms are open to receive you the next time you need to release.
One love....
PosB
Last night, though, I had a really in depth conversation with a good friend who happens to be male. That convo was just as inspiring and though provoking for me as it was for him. So today....we're going to deviate from the norm, and put something out there for the brothas to grab hold of.
During our conversation...I had an epiphany. Today's title says it all. Brothas really do have feelings. Inside the hard exterior lies a little boy who wants to be loved, wanted and accepted just as much as any female I know.
They walk around holding the weight of the world on their shoulders. Trying to hold it together for them and those they love. But what I came to realize is that even in the strength and masculinity they exude, there's a desire to be vulnerable without the perception and stigma that doing so is somehow deemed as being less than a man.
Brothas hurt, cry, and have insecurities that go deep....really deep. But for some reason, they shy away from showing their more emotional side because somewhere along the way, they were told that real men don't cry. They've fallen into the trap of keeping a stiff upper lip at all costs, and to never, ever let "them" see you sweat.
I was raised by a strong, proud man. I have never once in my 33 years seen him cry. I've seen him show sympathy, and be visibly moved by death or despair. But he would never allow himself the opportunity to shed tears.
Through the years, I've seen that strength and pride act to his, and probably my own, detriment. Daddy could fix everything...at least in my eyes. A bike, an easybake oven, a scraped knee, a wounded ego...you name it, he could make it better.
Somehow, as I got older and the problems became more pronounced, my brothers and I continued to looked to him to fix it...like he always did. But something changed. Emotionally, he wasn't always able to be there. Not because he didn't want to be, but in reality...he couldn't. I think he ultimately got to the place where he was emotionally bankrupt because he'd spent all his energy trying to fix everyone else for so many years, and didn't take time out to replinish and nurture his own soul. He never gave himself license to just let it go...even when it was just he and my Mom.
I don't look at this as a negative...if anything, in some strange way, I guess I applaud him. He gave to my brothers and I until it hurt...literally.
That same strength and pride that used to serve as a soothing salve eventually became a contributor to my parent's marital demise. Don't get me wrong...I don't only fault him. But, I can't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently, if he didn't always have the answers. What if he wasn't at everyone's beck and call? What if he would have cried at all those family funerals? What if sometimes, he wasn't able to fix it...
Black men are some of the strongest, resilient, tenacious, and prideful creatures on the planet. It's why I love you dearly...but it's also a source of my frustration with you as well. You don't always have to have the solution. It's ok for you to want to spend time alone in thought and preparation for the next battle. If you decide to allow the little boy in you to be exposed and cry your heart out til your eyes sting...it's ok. It's cool...really. We won't loose respect for you, and we certainly won't consider you any less of a man for doing so.
There is strength in vulnerability.
Life is too short to live in shell of unresolved pain and pressure. We all have emotions for a reason. It's when you don't give yourself the opportunity to experience them that you go absolutely crazy.
I'm not saying you have to open your heart and bear your soul to any poor, unsespecting person who comes along. But find that one person...your mom, one of the fellas, your girl...whoever and give yourself the ok to just put it out there sometimes. Be open enough to admit to being afraid and not knowing what's next. It's ok..we're human..and we all go through that.
Just know that at the end of it...we'll still have your back and our arms are open to receive you the next time you need to release.
One love....
PosB
posted by PositivBlack at 10:25 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home