Brothas got feelings too

One of my girls recently told me that my blog was like the Daily Word for girls. I thought that was cute...and actually right in line with what I'd envisioned this would evolve into.

Last night, though, I had a really in depth conversation with a good friend who happens to be male. That convo was just as inspiring and though provoking for me as it was for him. So today....we're going to deviate from the norm, and put something out there for the brothas to grab hold of.

During our conversation...I had an epiphany. Today's title says it all. Brothas really do have feelings. Inside the hard exterior lies a little boy who wants to be loved, wanted and accepted just as much as any female I know.

They walk around holding the weight of the world on their shoulders. Trying to hold it together for them and those they love. But what I came to realize is that even in the strength and masculinity they exude, there's a desire to be vulnerable without the perception and stigma that doing so is somehow deemed as being less than a man.

Brothas hurt, cry, and have insecurities that go deep....really deep. But for some reason, they shy away from showing their more emotional side because somewhere along the way, they were told that real men don't cry. They've fallen into the trap of keeping a stiff upper lip at all costs, and to never, ever let "them" see you sweat.

I was raised by a strong, proud man. I have never once in my 33 years seen him cry. I've seen him show sympathy, and be visibly moved by death or despair. But he would never allow himself the opportunity to shed tears.

Through the years, I've seen that strength and pride act to his, and probably my own, detriment. Daddy could fix everything...at least in my eyes. A bike, an easybake oven, a scraped knee, a wounded ego...you name it, he could make it better.

Somehow, as I got older and the problems became more pronounced, my brothers and I continued to looked to him to fix it...like he always did. But something changed. Emotionally, he wasn't always able to be there. Not because he didn't want to be, but in reality...he couldn't. I think he ultimately got to the place where he was emotionally bankrupt because he'd spent all his energy trying to fix everyone else for so many years, and didn't take time out to replinish and nurture his own soul. He never gave himself license to just let it go...even when it was just he and my Mom.

I don't look at this as a negative...if anything, in some strange way, I guess I applaud him. He gave to my brothers and I until it hurt...literally.

That same strength and pride that used to serve as a soothing salve eventually became a contributor to my parent's marital demise. Don't get me wrong...I don't only fault him. But, I can't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently, if he didn't always have the answers. What if he wasn't at everyone's beck and call? What if he would have cried at all those family funerals? What if sometimes, he wasn't able to fix it...

Black men are some of the strongest, resilient, tenacious, and prideful creatures on the planet. It's why I love you dearly...but it's also a source of my frustration with you as well. You don't always have to have the solution. It's ok for you to want to spend time alone in thought and preparation for the next battle. If you decide to allow the little boy in you to be exposed and cry your heart out til your eyes sting...it's ok. It's cool...really. We won't loose respect for you, and we certainly won't consider you any less of a man for doing so.

There is strength in vulnerability.

Life is too short to live in shell of unresolved pain and pressure. We all have emotions for a reason. It's when you don't give yourself the opportunity to experience them that you go absolutely crazy.

I'm not saying you have to open your heart and bear your soul to any poor, unsespecting person who comes along. But find that one person...your mom, one of the fellas, your girl...whoever and give yourself the ok to just put it out there sometimes. Be open enough to admit to being afraid and not knowing what's next. It's ok..we're human..and we all go through that.

Just know that at the end of it...we'll still have your back and our arms are open to receive you the next time you need to release.

One love....

PosB

So amazing

You know, as I walk through this journey called life I am still utterly amazed by the learning and growth potentials that abound.

For some reason, I thought once I got older, I'd have all the answers, and life would just continue as normal.

Well...I'm a little older now with more experience under my bealt, and believe it or not, I'm still on a learning journey.

I woke up this morning with such an anxiousness. Nothing really inspiring happened as of late...so of course, I'm wondering where this feeling of wonder stems from. I don't know what life has in store, but I can feel it changing.

I think I mentioned in a previous blog about the winds of change blowing. Well, Monday I got some news that shows I was right on point. I was preparing for a business trip, and my VP tells me he needs to speak with me. I was engaged with someone, so told him I'd get with him when I was finished. 10 minutes pass, and he's back at my desk looking antsy...so I conclude my convo, and follow him into the conference room.

Now, at this point, I'm like...something's up. He looked at me and said..."later today, an announcement is going out. The company is being acquired by a competitor."

Ok, so...at this point, my jaw drops and he laughs. He's like...close your mouth....I was in absolute schock because this came TOTALLY out of left field. He didn't find out until a week prior...so the higher ups have definitely played this one close to their chest.

Well...the next bit of the conversation was about what next. Then of course, reality sets in and I'm thinking...what about my position? Of course he didn't have any real answers. But deep down, I had a feeling of calm. I knew at that moment that everything would be fine.

So fastforward to today. I still feel calm and peace about the situation. I've spoken with colleagues here in Europe and back inthe US, and everyone is concerned. And rightly so! These situations are never easy to deal with, and you really can't make assumptions.

But, like he always does...I see God working it out. He's already put people in my path to network with...and they just happen to be from the acquiring company. They all are in the upper echelon of the organization I'll be working for. I even have a lunch meeting scheduled with one in a couple weeks!! How cool is that?!!

God is truly amazing. He is working on our behalf in the background even when we don't feel like he's there. I see him orchestrating a path and a destiny that supercedes anything man would try to put in my path.

I don't know what the future holds. I have no idea how things will pan out. But I know that God is quietly whispering to my spritit that he has it under control and my life is in his hands.

I can feel the change happening. I'm like a marthon runner on the final stretch. Tired, a little achy, my muscles hurt...but I can see the finish line, so I break into a sprint and press on.

I was reading something earlier. The person being interviewed said that life was like the bridge of a song.

There's high notes , low notes, key changes and the like. But ultimately, the bridge brings it together and makes the song beautiful.

Life really is... so amazing.

PosB